Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
