Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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