New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Still dying that you shit outside
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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