none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
