overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
