Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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