she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
