id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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