2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just found puke in my bra..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
