When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
