My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
