i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
