final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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