you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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