I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
