I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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