you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
