If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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