And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
