Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
