I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
