Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
