Too much gin, very little bucket
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
