I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
