I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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