I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
