At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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