This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
