Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
