Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
