There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
