I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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