how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
