suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
