If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
