mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
