Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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