I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Terrible idea I love it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
