I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
