You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
