OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize