I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
