I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
