final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
