So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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