you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
