I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
