hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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