She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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