i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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