Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize