dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
