she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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