Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
where am i from again
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Randomize
