It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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