we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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