She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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