my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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