i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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