Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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