I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it glows. i had to have it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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