Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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