I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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