I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't put those talents on a resume
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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