I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
