you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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