i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
