she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
