WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
