as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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