So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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