Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He has the fingertips of a God
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
